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01 December 2005 @ 06:56 pm
"I want to draw blind faith or a fading summer or… just a moment of clarity."  
"I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind faith or a fading summer or… just a moment of clarity. It’s like when you go and you see a really great band live for the first time, you know, and nobody’s saying it but everybody’s thinking it-- "We have something to believe in again." I want to draw that feeling. But, I can’t. And if I can’t be great at it then I don’t want to ruin it. It’s too important to me." Peyton on OTH

"At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one. " Peyton on OTH

Fine day. Worried about AP TEST tomorrow. Found out getting A- in that class!!!!!! Stayed after school for the AP test review. I want to be prepared. It is 7:17 and my dad is still not home, big presentation for work, he is bringing home chinese. He seemed to be in a good mood which is good. I need a break from drama. OC and Reunion on tonight but don't know how much I will catch.

Did Power Point presentation in AP. Talked really fast but Billy said he could understand me, that is all that matters.
After school Kate and I stayed after for help in Chemistry. I went over to her house till 6. My mom showed me the fabric she bought for the dress. I think it will be cute. Crossing fingers. My mom went with Mrs. Sutherland to Olivers Trendz for a jewelry thing tonight so I went off to my room around 7:30 after Jim brought home the pizza, and I fell asleep for an hour. I was even tired at Kate's. Woke up and watched the last half hour of OTH. And watched a kick ass episode of Veronica Mars. Can't wait for grandpa to come to town so I can get the first season.

School day went fine. Rappeteour meeting cancelled so I went home.
Mom came home and I wanted to relax a bit before doing econ project and so then I went on the computer just before she was going to leave. And I was trying to finish up and tape everything together but she kept complaining to Jim, "I don't know when she is gonna be done. I hate driving on Woodward during rush hour. She is taking so long. I have stuff to do." And I just lost it. I started crying, told Jim he was yelling at me and we all had a little confrontation and then I had to go with my mom. She made me turn the radio off and we drove in silence as I attended all her errands so I could go to Kinko's. She was acting all put out. It pissed me off. When we got home I just didn't stay around them, I couldn't she has been making me so mad lately. So much for good conversation. She is thinking of making me a dress for Winter Semi-Formal.
Danny proposed to Melinda. How cute.

Model UN meeting at Kimball. Weirdness between Lauren and I. I will be the first to admit that, and it is weird because usually this doesn't happen. My mom started yelling at me in the car in front of Lauren which really mad me mad and at dinner she kept making pointed comments towards me and I just started crying. And I went to my room. When I left my room she was asleep on the couch but around 9:30 she came downstairs and we had this long chat were I got pretty much everything off my chest. How she searches my stuff, has no faith in her parenting skills enough to leave me alone, how she loves Eric more, how she treats me like I am 6, how she won't pay for college, all of it. I yelled, I cried all of that. And by the end she thought we had a heart to heart but I hated her a little bit more for forcing it all out of me. For making me pissed and making me cry. I have become so emotional in the last five months. I hate it, I used to pride myself, you could say on being able to be the rock for Eric and stuff. And here I am crumbling.

Everyone knows how sleepovers go, you wake up and go back to sleep hoping the next time you wake up the other person will be too. Finally got up around 10:30. Lauren left around 11. We skipped church. Eric did the finishing touches to his AP project. We all watched Jerry Maguire, man I love that movie. Some of the cheesiest lines ever written. You can see though a little bit of the Tom Cruise now in that movie. All jumpy and happy and stuff. We went to dad's office and he went off to a meeting and Eric and I were bored out of our minds hanging out in his office. Burned projects onto cd and then left to go to Wixom for his soccer game.
Dad and I had this good conversation about stuff that happened over the summer and what he does and says how it effects me, like he forget about making me cry on homecoming, and realized it effected me, but we said it all in a joking way. And we discussed how my fear is of succeeding in the business world but then meeting someone and having to a certain point give it up, like why is it worth going to college and putting in all that work if you are just going to quit and become a housewife. I want to achieve my dream job, have it all.
Got home and watched Grey's Anatomy. Alex, you are pissing me off.

Slept in. Felt bad about that. We went to Target, got the tree, and I did my AP Gov Power Point. Since we got started late on everything I felt a little rushed. Lauren came over around 6:30 and some parts from my bookcase were missing which bummed me out because I wanted it to be done with. Lauren and I watched this good movie called, Everybody's Doing It. We hung out and listened to music videos. We ate delicious mac n' cheese and had a little rift. But everything was good.

Went to Best Buy around 7 for the thanksgiving rush, we have never done it and never will again. It wasn't worth it. Dad took Eric and I out to breakfast because we got up so early. Dad went to a meeting and I sat around the house and waited for Lauren to call me. Went over to her house from like 2 till 6:30. Libby, Sean, Mark, Rob, and Amanda all came over and we watched House of Wax, like Texas Chainsaw it is not scary it is just that you are waiting for the gruesome scene with the next victim, gore. For dinner we met Lynn, Theresa and Rachel at Mamma Mia's. Second time within two weeks. Came home and went to sleep, exhausted.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Rock n' Roll Queen, The Subways
Garglemansaddyman00 on December 2nd, 2005 12:35 am (UTC)
(pleading) please...change...format...
too...many...words....(and with that i took my last breath, your long texts suppresed my lung function, and i am dead now)(you have just killed jordan, you win)
ocfanatic25ocfanatic25 on December 7th, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
funny jordan
Laurenangelkisses330 on December 2nd, 2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
every reason that at all we have any weirdness is my fault. I realize that.
If theres one thing in my life that i would never want to lose its you. As corny as that sounds. your my best friend in the entire world. And i dont know what was going on this week. but i feel horrible. And I know that i have been annoying you the past few days... or weeks. But i'm so sorry, I'm trying. I feel so bad. I am pretty much the worst best friend ever. And i realize that. I'm so sorry ashley
i love you
ocfanatic25ocfanatic25 on December 7th, 2005 08:25 pm (UTC)
lauren you are not the worst best friend. i swear it just - happens. Some time you are going to get annoyed with me and same happens for me. You can't be with someone all the time and have moments.